Had a deep thought about many stuffs..
esp my personaility..
some of those characteristics of mines really ruined some parts of my life..
like always being so clumsy careless dereliction inattentive insensitive slow and retarded
always being so anxious and cant even control my own thinking.. WHAT EVER lots more which made me such a LOSER - Nonperformance of what ought to be done.
Today went back to the company after my games tour, i screwed up again.. ANd total scoldings for the day was 3. Always ended up screwing things and getting scolded.. it's time really for some reflection..and i thought while i was having break during the day..
Not only this affect my working performance but this also definitely affect my life..
I am always being like a spoilt child and nv came arcoss any hardship.. And nv earned anything that i should deserve.. And in every guy i ever met who was close to me will always experience the same problems.. dun really noe how to describe those prob but i always felt that it was their fault but actually the problem actuall;y lies within me.. Instead of thinkin that maybe they must have reason for doing that or wadever then i would get bery irritated wen things dun go the way i wanted- SELFISH- care-least about any other thing except myself. LOW perseverance also made me being not achieving anything GREAT in my life. And such a LOSER like me alwaays had character clashing with my close ones. Really want to prove myself wrong BUT nv did i ever DID It right..
Despite of all those things i had done above, i had the greatest friends familyand love revolves around me. Insignificant is the only right word i could thought of to describe myself, not impt; of no consequences. Maybe i shouldnt come to this world at all and make life miserable for those ppl who alwaes cared and concerned about me, why is it so hard that i couldnt even do such simple stuffs, why is it i am always the one not reaching what i aimed for and why am i being so easily manipulate and why am i aways giving things up easily??
SERIOUSLY.. feel so sucky right now,. no mood for anything. And dun even want to tel my frens that i am being such a loser but yet still need to depend on my diary to feel better.. IN MY WHOLE LIFE i am always being so DEPEDENT, WHEN will i ever ever do things independent on my OWN!! GETTING so sick and tired of myself, i guess ppl around me wil too..
